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Monday, March 14th 2005

12:58 AM

Use my heart or my head?

  • Music: Free Fallin--Tom Petty

                                                                

Well today was alright...I was just a bum today.  Updating my profile on VF and stuff.  I've been doing some thinking and I think that I would much rather be single.  Honestly, I just wish I could go back in time and keep Carlos as my good friend.  Hey, it's too late for that now huh?  Well, atleast I know what it would feel like.  I just...like being single maybe.  I can't really understand why I feel the way I do or do the things that I do.  I was talking to someone about this and I started crying.  He understands.  I just wish everyone else would too, especially my parents!  Come on, 17 years old.  How can they put so much force onto who I should "love".  Don't tell me I'm going to end up alone...

I'm just worried, I don't want to hurt anybody and I don't want anymore arguements.  What if later I come around?  It's been like 3 months, should I have come around by now?  If I break-up with him now, I will feel as if I failed again at this.  I was unable to open up my heart to someone again.  Sometimes I feel like I made a good choice sticking with him and then the next day or a few moments later I will feel different.  He told me he loved me way, way too soon.  I think that really messed things up.  I feel like he doesn't know what it is, just the way I felt with Patrick.  They both said the same thing about every girl that they've been with too soon and I just can't find that "special" part that comes with it.  I don't know...

Am "I" the problem?  I must be, yes.

"When I was young
I fell in love
She was a goddess
With a world inside of her mind
When she moved on
Something went wrong
She took my power
And the love I had inside
Now that I found you
I don’t know how to...
I pray in time
I’ll come to find
Away to break through
And save this heart of mine
You’ve waited long
If you can’t hold on
I wouldn’t blame you
I don’t think I’d be that strong

If I could fall
In love again
I’d fall in love with you

If I could change
A grain of sand
Into a pearl I would
I would, I would, I would"---Lenny K. "If I could fall in love"

11 comment(s).

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Better sooner than later, because the chance might not be available to you as time passes. You know what you're heart is telling you right now. Don't ever shut the voice of your heart. It might NOT feel very nice but who said the voice of your heart is not right?
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